The Climb

So deep she looked into my eyes
“Son ,Fight your demons”
But how can I mama?
How can I fight myself
I am my own demon
I fear me
I don’t wanna be me
How can I tell you
The first thing I do when I wake up
Is mask me
It’s not easy to wake up with a smile
Wait I forgot how that even felt like..waking up
Even in this crowded room
I feel alone
You think you see me
I’m not me anymore
Just a mirage …just a mirage mummy
I crave for those moments when you whooped me
And forced me to cry
I now cry my heart out without efforts
I wonder who the man standing in front of my mirror is
Like where did I loose it all
I wanna go back and pick it all up
Maybe these broken pieces can be glued up back
But again…
What if the pieces are extra tiny to fix it all
The shatters so miniscule to revive
I can’t face me
I can’t fight me
I can’t fight them mummy
I am my own demons



tomorrow marks the very first step
To change ,
To no turning back,
To not coming back,
The very first step to this new page
That I’m not quite sure of
That I have to write
A new story that I can’t quite label
There’s no escape
The very first step of drawing towards
The road I’ve often abandoned
Or maybe wished to escape
The very rite I never advocated for
The very path I’m always afraid of
Well Tomorrow marks the very day I get to be
What I need to be
Inorder to fulfill what I ought to do
Tomorrow …please be gentle to my feeble feet


Some weights are hard to balance
Especially those that are within
Some Yorks are hard to pull
Especially those that can only be felt

Those two versions of us
Outdoing each other
The uglier one winning often
It’s rewards being shackles
That hold us captive from ourselves
Our own reflection ,scary to even face
Being set free is what we oftenly yearn for

How about the hollow within
So dark that when you’re asleep
Better still when you try to ..sleep
That moment when your eyes are closed
And you let yourself fall ,drown,
And the darkness within pulls you
Allowing you to explore a bit of…
Guilt, loneliness,pain,
A taste of each reminding you
That real as it is , it’ll forever be a part of you
A mark you will forever bear on your forehead
A poison that will forever run through your bloodstream
A breath so suffocating that you’ll forever take in
And you can’t pull yourself out
You can’t save yourself
All You want to do is to remain stuck
Just stuck

And in that moment it dawns on you
That there is peace in that violence
The noises within are actually a symphony
And so your inner self floats
Your feeble feet raise
craving for freedom grows even more
Being set free and not just to ….Balance

Hakuna matata mume wangu

I still see us at the altar,
Saying our vows from our hearts,
I still miss our first dance,
The tune of kabaka’s song at the disco,
Your afro hair and belly bottoms,
Are All clear in my mind…
I still recall your loud laugh,
As you watched our little jnr make his first baby steps,
“This is truly my son …my own seed and warrior’
I miss our late night drives in your Volkswagen
And the taste of tusker beer down my throat
As I watched your little Oliver twist moves
The joy’s of the 90’s love…
I can never forget that banging sound
That sound… made it clear that it’s all over
As your casket screeched on the floor…
The floor to your new home
A home that I….we…would never get to share
The nights and days were never the same after
I sometimes wish I would write to you,
Maybe ring you up and tell you all you’ve missed out
Jnr got a moustache like yours
Our little princess graduated yesterday
The funniest part of it all is that
I see you in them
And although our family picture is incomplete,
Your memories color it with love
I would have liked to try pizza with you for the first time
Maybe listen to the sauti sol jams
Our new phones have cameras in them
Funny how our TV’s no longer have Ariel’s
But I’m glad our grandson drops by on the weekends for a treat
The letters we still wrote stand as souvenirs
That our love remains solid
Jnr is now 35 the same age you bade us
A complete reflection of you in the 200’s
I’m glad he is a the best gift of us
All we’ve ever wished for
Is manifested in him
He still wears an afro
And at the sound of madilu’s vuvuzela
Hakuna matata mume wangu

Always and forever

Elijah believed in redemption ,to him a savior,
Rebecca thought he’d gone mad,no cure for this fever,
Freya out of love ,turned out best than ever,
And to Hailey brought Joy ,one always to remember,
Marcel out of pain never thought he’d been his best father,
Hope his little princess became his version better,
Coll out of rage never thought he’d soldier
To claim in always and forever.
This is to you my unknown lover,
If ever the stars align in our favor,
My flaws are a million Incase you like millioners,
My emotions are flooded Incase you fond of the waters,
My heart is made of flesh Incase you like meatarians,
My actions unpredictable Incase you fond of suspense,
Ever heard of a black life ,dull colors might be your favorites,
Cause that’s me …no better than Klaus.
I might not be honey but lemonade tastes even better,
I might not be fun but lame is even cooler,
White keys are easy to learn but black ones play better,
To form a symphony of always and forever.
Well the stars will guide me home,
And if I ever I reach Rome,
I’d be glad then that…
You never met me today, or yesterday,
Or even the day before,
I was , I am the ripper
Joker is my favorite in poker,
I’m still waiting for you Camille,
Maybe then salvation will,
But until then I’ll live,
And I will believe ,
In always and forever.

Astrophel 🌠
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